Getting by…
In the aftermath of support we have received in the last six weeks, I have been encouraged to “post updates.” For those who are interested, this is the place in which I will share information regarding how our family is getting along, how our community may be of support, and how Jeannessa’s Friends is developing to ensure Jeannessa’s passion of working with animals continues long after her senseless death. You can join the mailing list in the footer- I plan to configure things to send out an alert when this blog gets updated.
Thank you again to everyone who has reached out in support. Whether it has been a meal, holding space for our tears, showing up in court, a simple text or phone call, and the countless other acts of kindness our community has shown, your care has made a huge difference in our family’s coping.
Emotionally, we are doing about as well as anyone could in such a tragedy. Some days are harder than others and it’s quite a cocktail of feelings: grief, sadness, anger, confusion, and even joy in remembering the amazing person she was. Fortunately, we have the tools to embrace all of the feelings and work through them. Kev and I both have a spiritual practice that helps us to be present to what is, even when it fucking hurts like nothing we have ever felt before! Like our human lives, we know that everything is temporary- that’s a comforting fact in those moments of uncontrollable sobbing or rageful anger. (What do you know! This yoga shit actually works!) I refuse to be another casualty in these murders, so I embrace each challenging moment on my path, find my way through, and keep myself out of the darkness.
Logistically, things are a bit overwhelming, but we just keep working through stuff one moment at a time (just like we have been with the emotions). I’ve got a garage full of her stuff that I am tackling one box at a time, with help from close friends. It will probably take months to get through and that’s fine. We are preparing for her Celebration of Life- we expect lots of tears, but there will be some fun as well- just as she would want. Kev and I are taking great care to make sure the event speaks to the person she was. (Please bring a picture of your pet- past or present to decorate her altar.😉) And of course, we have the judicial proceedings which we have been told to expect to take more than a year. There are so many layers to this situation, and it is a path that few have to walk (fortunately!), so we have to figure it out as we go.
Let me take this moment to share a few random things I’d really like people to know:
Jeannessa did not “pass away”- that is something that happens to people who are sick or lived a long life. It has a peace to it. Jeannessa’s death was violent. Please call it what it was: murder. By a dangerous person who should not have had access to a semi-automatic weapon, or even be out of jail given his prior offenses.
The media has referred to Max as Jeannessa’s boyfriend. We are not sure of Max’s relationship with Jeannessa or Tarrah, but we do know that he was not Jeannessa’s boyfriend and just want to set the record straight. Jeannessa was in a serious relationship with Jon Anderson for four years and they remained close after they broke up in April. He is heartbroken in a way I’m not sure anyone could truly understand, including me. If you hear us refer to Jeannessa’s boyfriend, we mean Jon.
All of the animals that were in Jeannessa’s care are accounted for. The fosters and her frogs have made their way to loving homes. Juniper and Asher, her cats, are settled in with us. Our cat, Jack, is not happy about it, but he’s getting used to it. Asher really wants to play and Jack is not having it! And Asher sure is a noisy cat! But Junie and Asher are both very affectionate, and everyone is roaming the house freely now with little to no conflict. (Highly recommend Feliway Multi-cat Calming Diffuser.)
If anyone has questions or would like to know how to support us- please reach out. I am happy to talk about things even if they seem taboo. Talking about things is actually quite helpful for my process. I read all of the emails I receive, and I am slow to respond. (Don’t take it personally!😉) Text/phone is a more timely communication method.
If anyone would like to sit in on court proceedings, it’s helpful for us to have support there and it shows the judicial system that her life truly mattered. The next court date is December 16 at 9:00am- this should be a fairly quick one.
Next year, as things become more settled and we are able to give our attention to her foundation, there will be multiple opportunities to participate, so if this interests you, please let us know. (I’m thinking events like 5ks, live music, pet fairs, etc.) We will definitely need volunteer help in all sorts of capacities and commitment levels.
Here is the link to our mealtrain. As we settle back into our usual work routine while still dealing with all of the layers of Jeannessa’s death, it has been immensely helpful to not have to worry about what to cook on our busiest nights of the week. (Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday.) Light, vegetable-heavy, low-carb meals are what we are used to for weeknight eating. We have no allergies or dietary restrictions and spice is good.
Thank you all for reading this long post and being on this journey with us! You truly make it an easier path to travel.