This Darkness Has Got to Give
It’s been nearly two months and it’s not getting any easier. If anything, I think the darkness is settling in. Perhaps it’s the natural progression of things or maybe it’s the short days and stormy weather as winter approaches. The stages of grief are not linear, but more like clouds of emotion that swirl around and you just dance in an out of them. We’re returning to some semblance of…not normal…rather, routine is a better word. The shock is mostly gone now and I’m just alone with the longing. I still feel like the front door is going to fling open and her loud voice is going to rant about some driver that was in her way or gush about a cute puppy at work. I expect I may feel like this for the rest of my life.
There have been some wins since I last posted. Last week, San Jose City Council Member Pamela Campos arranged for the adjournment proceedings of the City Council meeting to be held in honor of Jeannessa. I was invited to speak about Jeannessa, her character and her contributions to the community, and to share our plans to honor her through Jeannessa’s Friends. Thank you to my friends and family who stood with me as I spoke, and to Council Member Campos and her staff for welcoming us and giving us a VIP tour of the City Council’s Chambers. It was truly an honor and I look forward to the support of Council Member Campos, Mayor Mahan and the whole Council when the time is right for us to plan events for Jeannessa’s Friends.
The ball is rolling on our 501 (c) 3 status. We have hired a lawyer to handle the legal filings- best to leave it in the hands of a professional so nothing falls through the cracks. We expect to receive approval hopefully in the spring. For everyone who has generously donated to Jeannessa’s Friends in the meantime- THANK YOU!!! We have a very nice nest egg to get things going.
I created a logo for Jeannessa’s Friends (check it out in the footer!) and married it with an artistic rendering of a picture of her and Humphrey from Christmas morning 2023. (OMG…Christmas morning is going to be soooo hard….😭) The result is a fun sticker that will be here next week. I made two other designs as well- they will be handed out at her Celebration of Life next week. I am considering selling them here on her website as a fundraiser, too. We shall see. The art and the writing…it helps.
And speaking of her Celebration, we are just over a week away. Thanks to the help of many of my amazing friends, it’s going to be a memorial that will make her so very proud. I’m so grateful for all of the unconditional love and support to pull off this unique event in one of her favorite places in the world. It will be lively and heartbreaking and joyful and heavy and light and overwhelming and I’m sure just ALL. THE. FEELS. And every single person who is able to be there (even on zoom- please email me if you need a link), I truly need you. I’ve had to practice accepting help and in a tragedy like this, there is just no other way to get through it. I have to accept being in the center- this is one of those rare “one way street” situations. So everyone who is able to show up in any capacity and hold some space on what is sure to be one of the most challenging events of my life, thank you. I see you and I appreciate your compassionate care.