Happy 25th Birthday to my dear sweet baby girl, Jeannessa!

We are reminded of her light with the gorgeous weather the Bay Area is enjoying this week, just like the week she was born 25 years ago. Although she was not born there, I remember holding my newborn baby on the top floor of UCSF and watching people in bikinis enjoying the sunshine in Golden Gate Park many floors below us. Jeannessa had many sunny birthdays over the years- a fairly common respite from Northern California winter in February.

This would have been her first birthday living in the same town as us since she became an adult and moved away for college seven years ago. I should be bringing her a surprise at work. Kev should be grilling her favorite dinner of surf and turf tonight. She should be sharing how she celebrated over the weekend with friends. Turning 25 years old, she should be coordinating to drive with Arya who just got her permit last week. (I've been doing that math since I taught Jeannessa to drive nearly 10 years ago!)

Instead, there’s a gaping hole in my heart that I tried to soothe by hosting a party in her honor with her friends over the weekend. Under the circumstances, it was the perfect evening. We shared stories, laughter, and tears. Kev grilled that surf and turf and we served it taco style. Arya made her amazing guac and served up margaritas and bay breezes. We played a huge round of Cards Against Humanity, always a Jeannessa favorite, choosing the card that best fit her sense of humor. She would have been a little drunk and making everyone laugh with her antics, I’m sure!

I am so grateful for the friends that Jeannessa chose- these awesome humans are kind, fun, caring, creative, thoughtful, smart, friendly, determined, and lighthearted. Their strength of character is a testament to Jeannessa's own strength of character. Many of them didn't know each other well or at all until this happened. I am enjoying seeing them connect with each other and offer support. I deeply appreciate the relationships I am growing with each of them and the support they have offered me. They have all expressed a number of stories of how she showed up for them in challenging moments with words of wisdom and a kindness of heart that will stay with them long after she has left us. I see her light in them and I am so grateful they continue to share it with me. This is one of those tender gifts of "collateral beauty" that sprout from the mud of tragedy. It meant the world to share a birthday celebration in Jeannessa's honor with them.

By next year, Jeannessa’s Friends will surely have our official non-profit status and we plan to celebrate with a “Dollarita” fundraiser at Appleby’s- a night out she was famously known for. (Save the date!) In the meantime, we appreciate everyone holding her and us in your hearts on this very challenging birthday.

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He’s Gone